Life in Twilight

Fate?

2008-09-28T23:34:00.001+03:00

Everything happens for a reason. Each action you make pull milliards of invisible strings and the world changes. Fate exist and don't exist in the same time. Things will pull you towards a certain outcome I guess, but will you follow? Was the row of unpleasant events injuries and ilnesses that made me avoid a certain simple action...was it in purpoce...I will find out soon enogh but I chose to believe it was. It fits in perfectly in my ever changing philosphy and put a smile on my face again, a smile that is there no matter what!

Oh yeah almost forgot

2008-05-18T21:11:00.003+03:00

I've decided that there is not enough pictures on here so here you go.
I adore this picture because it's so cute so miaaau and because I've done it ^-^

Late update

2008-05-18T20:47:00.002+03:00

Ok. I wasn't here for long. There was a lot of shit that stalled me a bit but you know stalling is not stoping and yeah as the ussual "what don't kill us make us stronger". First I want to write down what been in the skech notepad for a month or so waiting to be writen.

"No you can't take me down!"
"There is one very positive aspect that apeared in me lately. I'm back to negotiating with myself and it helps. Before it was like-"I'm so miserable, I'm so miserable.." and it could go on for ages. Now even if I want to be miserable some more my mind bring me back to normal self and I keep going forward. The happy me finaly aproving the miserable me right to exist but this time she give her a hand and they walk forward happily toghever."

Ok now I was kind a more miserable during the "shit" time that yet not over by the way BUT my soul and my body was helping my mind to stay sane even that it was hard and it finaly bounced, straighten back to normal. Well it's unavoidable isn't it? With the new me no matter what you put on me I'll have the power to fight it all and stay myself. As the time pass by I just phyzicaly can't stay miserable for long. I live, I dance, I manage to drift through life and it feels amazing!

A small break down...

2008-03-27T18:49:00.002+02:00

Sometimes I want to forget my life and start all new, that for I sometimes want to go away to live in a foreign city or country without money whithout anything and to build my life from scratch just because I don't have other choise. Why I am so apath? It's becasue I hate routine, I hate all the things person "must" do in his life. I hate being human in a time like today. What I want is: If to love then with ups and downs out this world, with tears and with him saving you and with you take care of his wounds. I really enjoyed taking care of my SO in the hospital just for that reason. If to work then for some great purpose, with fire in the eyes and in the heart, enjoying, suffering, living. I want to be a demon, an angel, elemental, I want to dance with the fire, fly with the wind and never let the music leave me. If I strife to anything in my apathetic life then only to this, and even this I forgot for time while trying to care to much for my wealth, health ect and of course failing. But now I begin to remember. And who cares that this might never come true, as long as it bring life and make my soul bloom. Well, what do you know..maybe it isn't a break down after all. It doesn't have to be if I cryed for it. Where was I? Oh yeah I want to start my life a new just becasue I maybe want to be normal and strife for normal stuff, but I guess I don't so forget what I said.

The moment of peace...

2008-03-22T11:21:00.002+02:00

Just something I wrote to make myself feel better, who know's maybe it will help someone else... (of course it will, like duuuh remeber, me, the great meddling creature that change everything around itself ^^)

"Remeber I'm my number one, and I should act like this. A truly strong person is strong because he think of himself first. He will not feel ashamed if what he done was to help himself in need even that he let down others this way. Remeber that I'm the only one like this in the whole WORLDS and if I won't help myself no one will. I am special, beautifull, talanted but no one cares and will care because everyone care mostly bout themselfs so I should care about myself without expecting anyone to do it first. My wonderfull body, my great mind, my uniqe soul, I am gratefull for having all this, I am a part of the universe, a drop from the ocean of energy, I can dweel in this ocean happily, feeling home, feeling that great power that is in one and in all the parts of the one"

I am THE DARK MASTER OF THIS ENTIRE PLANET...how could I forget?

2008-03-18T22:35:00.002+02:00

Just read that funny horoscope that say that all the Virgo's want to rule the planet when they small but when they grow up they or "something don't remeber what" or begin to think that they are nothing, hate themself and go on and go on. I don't need to think much to know under which category I fall. Especially that I forgot the other one ^^. The depression that increase daily for years (together with the weight), days and night spent near to the computer while my body, soul, mind and mom scream at me to do something whit my life. The rest of the time I spend in pity/crying/hating myself/blaming myself and occupations alike. Now how could I forget my old ambitions, dreams. Well I didn't forgot anything, every day I look back and wish to have them all with me now toghever with my old "friends" and parties every weekend and other dimentions every night before I go to sleep and drawings/stories/songs with soul...Well and being the dark master also sound cool. This time I gonna do this differnt. This time there will be no "maybe", and "if i fail" and "i try". I'm not giving any promises, I'm not arranging anything fancy. I just will live a new life. Even if it will be the same (great, just the start and there is already a warning that it may fail, oh well forget it). I quit smoking after 6 and something years so who cares! I can do anything!